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DIARY OF A TRAVELING
PREACHER >>
By Indradyumna Swami
Volume VI, Chapter 19
"Disappearance Day Offering to Srila
Prabhupada"
Vrindavan
September 27 - October 8, 2005
Dearest Srila Prabhupada, Please accept my most
humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to
you!
My glorious master, on this auspicious anniversary
of your departure from the world, I once again find myself in the
holy land of Vrindavan. It was here that you retired from family
life and in your old age began your mission of taking Lord Caitanya's
message to the West.
I too have retired from family affairs, and now
I am beginning to feel the effects of aging. Each year, following
in your footsteps, I come to take shelter of this holy dhama, and
in time I return to my preaching in the West.
My youthful energy and bodily strength have long
disappeared, and without your example I might think of relaxing
now, but you showed that the latter part of life can be the best
time for preaching.
As one grows older, the senses, weakened and humiliated
in their attempt to enjoy this world, become submissive to the desires
of the Lord. The mind, disciplined by decades of chanting the holy
names, finds peace and joy in those sacred sounds. And above all,
the satisfaction of years of devotional service at last overwhelm
one's attraction to the beauty of this world, and one abandons all
that is not essential to devotional service to the Lord.
Srila Prabhupada, a recent illness has forced me
to rethink my priorities and has renewed my appreciation for the
gifts you've given me: your merciful shelter, the Mahamantra, service
to the Vaisnavas, and the privilege of being part of the sankirtan
movement of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.
During my recuperation, I remembered how you had
once given me a piece of your own clothing. "A gift from a
Vaisnava is a very special thing," you said. As love is reciprocal,
I want to return your kindness and give you what I know pleases
you the most: the spreading of Krsna consciousness throughout the
world.
My illness was a mixed blessing. Although it forced
me away from the field of preaching for over a month, it has made
me see more clearly that life is full of suffering, not just my
own but that of others as well.
Now is not the time to become inactive. On the
contrary, my health has been rejuvenated, and I am duty bound to
use whatever years remain for sharing my good fortune with others.
Though my pace may slacken, please bless me that my words and realizations
may deepen, enabling others to obtain your mercy as well.
On this auspicious day I pray for the determination
to preach your sublime message until my final breath. In the end,
if my heart is purified and you feel it appropriate, please let
me assist you in your eternal service in the spiritual sky. By your
grace alone is such mercy possible.
vettha tvam saumya tat sarvam
tattvatas tad-anugrahat
bruyuh snigdhasya sisyasya
guravo guhyam apy uta
"And because you are submissive, your spiritual
masters have endowed you with all the favors bestowed upon a gentle
disciple. Therefore you can tell us all that you have scientifically
learned from them."
[ Srimad Bhagavatam 1.1.8 ]
In a few days, I will follow your example and leave
Vrindavan. Though I come to this transcendental abode each year,
I have yet to fathom its wonders. It is said that all the opulence
of Vaikuntha cannot compare to even one particle of dust from this
holy realm. I am certainly not qualified to stay here, but I know
that by preaching the glories of Vrindavan in separation, I may
one day develop the qualification to serve here forever. Certainly
this will be your greatest gift upon me.
I thank you for everything.
Your eternal servant,
Indradyumna Swami
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